New Years Eve

Has anyone ever felt that New Years Eve never lives up to the hype? I look forward to this day, for 365 days, and then once it's over I have either made a bunch of decisions I regret entirely by January 1st, or I don't even remember the night, thus not remembering the decisions, or the plans I though I had fall through, or all these combined.

Last year, I celebrated new years a tad bit too soon since the Texas Bowl that Mizzou was playing in fell on the same day. I started the NYE celebrations around 2 that afternoon. Following that, the only thing I really remember is I passed out before 1am and I remember that because I woke up around 7am still in my clothes from the night before, on my living room couch using my laptop as a pillow, and I had unread text messages from 12:45 so I know I had to have been out before then.

Nevertheless, to this year, I have gone into the day without making plans. Although, I'm most positive something will still fall through. The girlfriend is supposed to arrive in STL by 12:30 this afternoon, so I should be fine for the new years kiss. Besides that, we're supposed to have dinner around 6 and then celebrate the new year at my parents with all her friends. So...
here's a toast, to a new year, to 2011, the year of a new beginning, for by 2012 I will no longer be a college student.

The New Style

So I mentioned yesterday how I've gotten bored with my past blogs, updating you on the boring life of Patrick Wallace. Yes I realize that's the title of the blog, however, how about from now on I update you on the unintelligent, daily thoughts I have. Are you ready?

For today, I want to talk about dogs. Or pets in general I guess. What is with dogs always having to be right up next to you? They have to touch you, place their head on your computer, their paw on your phone while trying to text, lick you for no reason. Perhaps I'm just not the affectionate type of guy, but I don't understand it.

When I lay down, I can't fall asleep laying on my stomach with my chin angled upward onto a desk. I can't fall asleep, perhaps pass out after a rough night but that's another story, with my ear face down into someone typing a computer. And most importantly, I always tell my dog, I don't lick you so why do you have to lick me? I wrote a story in creative writing non-fiction about my annoyances, I'm starting to think this blog may turn into that. Right now, my dog always sneaking behind my back to steal my spot on the couch, or nudging my arm when I'm trying to do homework... well... that annoys me.

Headaches

I've had a headache for the past two hours and I can't get rid of it. It's one of those headaches that is not necessarily that painful, it just annoys me and affects my attitude and desire to do anything. One of those stressful type headaches if I had to put a name on it.

I can never pin down an exact cause for why I get a headache, usually it's multiple things, but once I get a headache it seems to effect everything I do. My attitude changes and the slightest comment just irritates me, I constantly think about how much I have to do (even if it's just a few things). For instance today, my girlfriend went shopping and bought something I already got her for Christmas. I mean I don't really understand why I'm so upset, other than the fact that my mom says, "this is what girls do." However, I guess I'm only upset because I have a headache and all I want to do is relax over winter break, but I can't because I have two online classes to complete and work 5 days a week.

See, headaches just make me negative. I wonder how my writing is affected by the mood that I am in. For instance, right now I'm thinking this blog entry really blows because all I'm thinking about is my headache and how I just want to sleep. However, I think I finally just came up with an idea on what to write the rest of my blogs about, because this one sucks, let's be honest.

All Night

When you start working at 4am Monday-Friday, it seems as though I must strategize the time I will go to bed at every time. Generally, I think about the times I'll be able to go to bed at each time throughout the week. Sunday's and Monday's are football until 10:30 so I won't be able to sleep until 11. If that's the case, I'll sleep later on Monday afternoons when I come home to nap. Then I'll try to wake up sooner on Tuesday so I can go to bed earlier Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night.

This week however, everything's been thrown off. With the Sunday Night Football game pushed back until Tuesday night, and the Mizzou Bowl game on the west coast not playing until 9pm, I must decide if I will take two naps today and pull an all nighter, not watch the entire bowl game and go to bed around halftime, or leave it up to my ability to wake up to my alarm clock after sleeping for only 3 hours once the game is over at 12:30.

Wow, this has been quite a boring post. I guess ultimately, I feel the all nighter is and has always been a tricky thing. At one point does your body plan physically and mentally to pull the all-nighter. And, when pulling the all nighter, when does your body kick into hallucinations, and just walking seems to make every bone in your body ache? I've pulled a few all nighters in my life and it never fails that at some point the chore is not to try and stay awake but instead to just move pain free.

Spoiled

How would one define being spoiled? Does it involve material items, or one's attitude about those material items they receive.

Around Christmas time I always think about this concept of being spoiled. Some parents will buy their kids anything in the world, but how does that define a kid? I personally have always believed it's the kid's attitude about the material that defines if someone is spoiled. This Christmas my little cousin told me all the things he got for Christmas and kept telling my (his) uncle about the gifts his grandma, mom and dad bought him. 6 fitted authentic MLB hats, an X-Box, a Nook (whatever the hell that is), etc. etc.

I listened to this and kept seeing my uncle's facial expressions and shocking aw at how "spoiled" his nephew seemed. Except, I feel the word spoiled has a very negative connotation about it. Spoiled seems to mean brat or ungrateful in this generation. In reality though, how can my little cousin control what his parents and grandma get him. He's a kid, obviously he's going to walk through a store and say, "I want this, and this, and this." But that doesn't mean they have to get him that.

Nevertheless, when he was talking about his gifts he seemed greatful and happy, but he wasn't ecstatic and braggin about all his gifts. He actually hardly even talked about the X-Box, he was just excited as any kid is on Christmas morning.

Beating the Winter Storm

For the past 4 mornings, two hours a day, I have had to listen to this "winter storm" that's approaching the midwest. The 2-4 inches of snowfall, the white christmas, the possibility for snow covered roads on Christmas Eve, the chance to be snowed in and unable to travel home. Quite frankly, I've never disliked snow so much in my life.

I remember back as a child I would stay up hoping for snow, checking the local news stations every second dreaming that my school would scroll across the bottom line. I thought snow was so fun, I thought a white Christmas seems so magical, majestic almost. The sun glistening off the snow as I walk outside in the early morning on Christmas. I look through my living room window at my parents house as I open gifts and see my parent's two dogs roaming through the yard. The icy roads that nearly prevent my family from driving out of our subdivision in order to go to midnight mass. I've seen my share of white Christmas' and I have my memories.

Now, a white Christmas just seems like a pain in the ass and I really hope the snow somehow can just blow over. If not, I really hope it will stay away until at least around 10am Christmas Eve morning. I don't really feel like driving through snow in the early morning after I get off work with Brady in my back seat and all I can think about is sleep. Although, that's just what I'll have to do. I can't wait because then the roads will most definitely be snow covered. I have to beat the wintery storm.

Cycles

I feel like everything about life happens in cycles. We as people have sleep cycles, eating cycles, seasons and weather have cycles. Starting work at 4am has completely messed up any cycle I once had.

I now eat maybe twice a day at best, generally just once around 6 at night. The twice may either come at 330am in the form of an Eggo waffle, or if I happen to wake up before 2 (in my second cycle of sleeping) then I may eat lunch and dinner. Otherwise, I have two cycles of sleep and then one cycle for eating. I haven't really decided if that's more or less healthy for me. I'm going to go with the latter.

This job overall I feel is less healthy for me physically but if I can survive then I know it will make me stronger mentally following graduation. Plus I do enjoy the work and I enjoy the people. The only difficult part is waking up and staying awake from 330-5 because once the morning show starts then I'm pretty much busy for the last 3 hours until I can get off work.

Plus the people there are great. It's so strange how different it is working at a TV station than at a retail store. At the TV station you can tell that they really do care about the people that work there. They are letting me leave right at 7am tomorrow morning so I can get home for Christmas Eve. At a retail store, they'd probably make me stay even later.

Eyes Closed

Brady's lays next to me and his eyes are gradually closing. He keeps dazing off trying to fall asleep. All I can think about when I see this is how he will sleep all day but once I'm trying to go to sleep for work and have to wake up at 3:30 am, he's going to be whining and clawing at his cage upset with me for having him locked up.

I remember back when I didn't have a job, or a dog, I could sleep all day during winter break without any worries of having to take care of a dog or go to work at the ungodly hour of 4am. Then again, this morning wasn't so bad, the timed seemed to fly by and I wasn't as tired when I got off work. I mean, of course I still slept until 12:45 after I got off. I try not to sleep too much later than that since I still have to try and go back to sleep by 10 at night.

It's weird to think about how little I actually work considering how tiring it makes me. I don't know whether to think of it as pathetic that I'm tired, or feel as though I'm actually growing up and getting a "big boy" job. I only have about 7-8 more hours to work until I get to go home for the weekend and Christmas but it feels like another week. It's also two days until Christmas Eve and I still don't have the spirit. But I already touched on that unfortunate feeling.

3 Days Away

Christmas is less than 4 days away and yet it just doesn't seem the same.

Things used to be so different as a kid. The joy and hope for a white christmas, the lights shining throughout the neighborhood and the christmas tree in my parent's house glowing bright as I get home from Midnight Mass on New Year's Eve. I can barely remember anything from my chidhood, but I can remember almost every Christmas Eve. The one preasent I would get to open, the fruit my mom would always stuff in our stocking and say Santa brought it.

As a kid, the signs are always right there but we never connect the dots you might say. My house would always be stocked with fruit a couple days before Christmas, then all of a sudden the fruit would disappear Christmas morning and my stocking would be stuffed. Although, I don't know for sure if it was our inability as young children to connect the dots, or just the desire and hope of having something to believe in. I know every year since I had that ability to believe, Christmas seems less and less like Christmas.

Now, not only does it feel different, but my sister is moved out into her new apartment, I have a job and have to work in Columbia until Christmas Eve, and there really isn't anything I need or want to ask my parents to get me. I think I'm officially just getting old and growing up. Maybe on Christmas I'll at least have some spirit.

Owning a dog

I knew getting a dog would be hard work. I just failed to imagine how much more difficult it would be having a dog in a small little apartment. On top of that, the little guy won’t really eat.

Although I guess he’s not that little; when I took him home for the weekend he towered over my parents two Terrier Dachsund mixes. Finally though, we are in one place for a whole week. He had slept in 3 different houses the first 3 nights we had him. He got a little bit better reception from the girlfriend’s parents than from my own parents. Her parents already said he could stay with them whenever I needed a dog sitter. My parents, on the other hand, said, “We told you it’d be a lot of work,” and then carried onto give me constant advice on how I should raise him and what I should feed him.

Personally, I’m 21 years old and most of my cousins on my dad’s side who are younger than me have already had children, I’d like to think I’m capable of raising a dog if they can raise children.

Besides all that, waking up at 3am every morning still doesn’t seem to become routine. Then having a dog to take care of after that and before that, it’s becoming very difficult to find sleep. Not to mention, following this week and Christmas, I have to start my winter intersession online class. When did life get so busy?

Exhaustion

Winter break has begun and yet all I can feel is exhaustion. Between getting a dog and starting a new job, plus the inability to fall asleep when I want, my body seems like it's about to shutdown.

In some ways the exhaustion may actually be good: I hardly eat ever because I don't seem to have time and I'm making money and working, which prevents me from going to the bars every Wednesday or Thursday (not that I even would have the energy for it anymore), so I can't blow my money on eating out all the time or drinks.

I asked a guy at my work how he got on a sleep pattern, he told me there isn't really a sleep pattern, so that was great news. He suggested not doing the two part sleeping that I've been doing, sleeping from 10-3 and then after from 8-11. He suggested sleeping either from 8-3 or after work from 8-3. Personally, I've never been able to go to bed before 8 because I just feel like I'm going to miss something. Primetime baseball and football games aren't even over until at least 9, and primetime shows like The Office don't even come until 8. How can I go to bed before my favorite show comes on? It's just not going to happen!

Hopefully my body will get used to this inability to sleep in until noon. If not hopefully I'll at least be able to work up some energy after my first pay check so that I can at least workout during the day.

One Week Down

Well actually it's just my first 3 days of work not quite a full week, however, it's probably for the best that I didn't start a new job working Monday-Friday and having to wake up at 3am every day. Nevertheless, it's one week down and it really wasn't that terrible.

It's nice having a job that isn't at the mall and I feel like I'm actually doing something. I also get to start staying later than 7 and working more than 3 hours a day, which should make things seem even better by making more money.

(Money which I'm definitely going to need after I just dropped 200 on Brady this afternoon). Currently Brady is snoring, which I wish I could be sleeping as well but I first have to finish up a few things.

I started getting trained on Camera Operating this morning and should finish by next week. It's a little more exciting than the teleprompter, except at the same time I don't get to sit during the show but instead I have to stand for 2 hours straight.

Also in just my 3rd day of work at KMIZ, it was Michelle's last day, she had anchored the morning show for the past 14 years. It's weird to think about leaving some place that you've been for 14 years, the relationships you must make and friends you must meet. Following the show we all took a Morning Show picture, although I didn't really feel as though I belong when I have only worked there a couple days.

A New Dog

I got a new dog this afternoon. I had been thinking about getting a dog for a while and then yesterday I went to the Humane Society and looked at the dogs. My girlfriend immediately fell in love with this Beagle mix named Apollo. I however didn’t have the same feeling.

I don’t know if everyone knows that feeling I’m talking about, it’s that “double take” feeling when you walk by something, someone, perhaps a dog, and you have to turn around and look again. At that exact moment it’s like you eyes and emotions simultaneously connect and something draws you back. With a dog at a humane society, it’s that feeling I get and I just get that feeling in my head that says, “That right there, that’s my dog.”

It was 7 years ago when I last had that feeling at the St. Louis Humane Society. Except 7 years ago, I didn’t get the dog and was going to wait until the next week after my trip to Kansas City. Simply put, the dog was already gone when I came back. His name was Corky.

Back to the present, I got that feeling again today about the dog I picked up; I named him Brady.

He’s all white, if he were a girl I would have called her snow white. But then again, he is not a she so I guess Brady will have to do. For Christmas I’m thinking of getting a kids size Tom Brady Jersey for him to wear on Sundays. I’m not a big fan of the Patriots and really dislike clothes on dogs, but this would at least go.

Can't Sleep

Twisting and turning in my bed, it’s 12:45 and I can’t fall asleep. I have to be at work in 3 hours, take a final in 10 hours and it appears I will be doing both without sleep.

1:30… still can’t fall asleep. I look over at the clock, the only form of light shining throughout my dark, cave like room. I like it dark, the mysterious feeling of not knowing if it’s 5 in the morning or 2 in the afternoon provides mystery, and not to mention a great opportunity to take naps at any time of day.

2:30… still no sleep. I suppose I will just get out of bed and take a nice long shower and study a little before work. No point in sleeping for an hour and then wanting to throw my alarm clock against the wall when it rings to wake me up at 3:30. It’s at this moment; the darkness of my cave like room no longer seems advantageous. I can’t turn my light on in my room because I don’t want to wake my girlfriend as she luckily does not have to wake up early in the morning. I feel around my desk looking for my wallet.

Cling, I knock over a flask. “Shit” I say under my breath. I pick up the flask and continue to feel around my desk for my wallet. It’s now 3:00 once I finally find the wallet and my Communication book so I can study.

It’s now 3:12 and way too early to function. Just the second day of work and things already seem problematic. I’m going to have to figure out a better sleep schedule.

The Hell Ahead

Over the next 24 hours, life seems like it will most definitely be a hell storm. Well actually it will only be about 21 hours until noon tomorrow, but I think I’m allowed to exaggerate 3 hours.

Reading powerpoints, no matter the exciting blue and grey backgrounds, or perhaps the purple and orange, the smiley faces my teacher puts in her powerpoints slides at the end of a section. Personally, the smiley faces don’t make me forget the fact that I have no clue what’s going on in the class, we have hardly had any classes since our last exam and this final is supposed to be the biggest of the three tests this semester.

She said something, the last class before she decided to cancel 2 weeks of class or so that after one cancels so many classes you pretty much stop coming and just hope to still get a passing grade? I was mostly confused since before then I had only missed one class and she had only cancelled one class. Nevertheless, she started cancelling a bunch of classes and now we have a final over chapters 7-10 and 7 expert presentations and one journal article, yet I’m pretty sure we’ve only actually gone over chapters 7 and 8 in lecture and then the journal article and expert reports we went over about 2 months ago.

I digress.

Anyways, the next 24 hours, hell, back to that talk. I have to study from now until 10 tonight (I should probably be doing that instead of writing this) work from 4-7 tomorrow morning and then study some more from 7-10:30 (even though half of the notes I don’t even have). Following that, I have to take the final, which I have to get a B on in order to not get a C in the class. No pressure though, no pressure at all.

The First Day

The first day of being a grown-up… it feels nice and really tiring. I woke up at 3 this morning in anticipation of my first day as a Production Assistant at KMIZ. I realized quickly that there is absolutely no traffic on the streets at 3 in the morning. I got to work in 6 minutes when I thought it would take 15 to 20. Arrived 20 minutes early and then just sat for 45 minutes.

I suppose that’s what the first day is about though: realizing what time you truly need to wake up (not 3 am, more like 3:30) and what exactly you are going to be doing at the job. In today’s case, I found out I scroll the teleprompter and by about 6am on the words seem to just appear as black lines scrolling up and down. It was tiring and somewhat depressing after getting off and realizing I woke up at 3am to only make like 21 dollars. However it’s all about paying dues right? You gotta do shit you don’t like before you get an opportunity to do the job you really want. It may just be minimum wage but at least it’s better than a part-time job at the mall. I finally feel like I’m actually doing something with my life.

Scrolling through the prompter may not be that exciting, but it at least seems somewhat essential to putting on the news broadcast every morning and I can say I was a part of it.

Let's Ramble Shall We

My last day of freedom to sleep in, and I definitely took advantage. I finally rolled out of bed at 1 this afternoon. That’s probably going to screw me over when I try to go to sleep at 10 tonight but it was worth it. I have missed sleeping in with school constantly on my mind and if I will have time to finish everything.

I finished my mockumentary yesterday afternoon, damn was that a pain in the ass. I finished around 12:30 and was stuck working on it until 2:45 waiting for files to “render,” whatever that means, then for the movie to compress in order to upload and process to YouTube, Nevertheless I finally finished and now it’s just one more final until my last semester as a college student.

It’s quite a weird feeling actually. Not having any idea where I’ll be living, what I’ll be doing, if I’ll be working in 6 months? The only thing decided is I’ll be graduating in May of 2011. I have a job, which requires me to wake up at 3:15 am, but that’s only a minimum wage paying job. My dad believes it’s a good starting job and will help me get my foot in the door at a television station. I’m working as a Production Assistant.

Either way I hope he’s right. Speaking of right, my football pick-em picks really sucked this week. Of the 16 NFL games I only picked 5 right. The spread really hurt this week. I would have gotten a lot of games right if the spread had been a point lower or point higher.

BTW, I’m not a gambler, well I guess kind of. I only really bet on sports, fantasy baseball and pick-em football. However I generally always win my money back. I generally know my sports pretty well. Although I guess not quite last week.

I Received the Job

I found out yesterday that I did actually receive the job. I guess that’s good. I finally don’t have to constantly shop the sales at the grocery store at least. Double Cheeseburger Hamburger Helper was really starting to get annoying. I’d eat half one day and save the rest for leftovers the next. Hamburger Helper leftover though, well, it’s about as bad as Hamburger Helper not left over except visually it’s not appealing at all.

When I put it in the container to save for a day later, the noodles and cheese take the shape of the container as if water solidifying in an ice trey. The next day it’s like eating the brick shaped Raman noodles without breaking them up. Raman, now those were the days. Freshman and sophomore year of college, I lived off Raman noodles. Then I found out last night that my girlfriend had never eaten Raman noodles. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Raman does kind of suck, but it’s like the passageway into becoming a college student. Eventually you graduate from having to eat Raman everyday and crunch up the brick of noodles, throw it in a bowl of hot water (Styrofoam) if you were as lucky as me living in a fraternity house that everyone from the outside said looked like Animal House. Well, it wasn’t too far off.

So where were we? Oh that’s right, the job I just received. It’s going to be awesome, just fantastic, I can finally get some new hats (I collect flat bill hats) or maybe a new jacket. Or… most likely just be able to afford something a little better than Hamburger Helper. Did I mention I now have to wake up at 3:15 am Monday-Friday. Ya, I can’t wait.

It’s going to be Legen… wait for it… Dary.

A Job Interview

I have a job interview on Thursday at 2:30. Or wait… is it 2:15. When I meet with the interviewer his voice and manner reminds me of someone, reminds me of some character in a movie, or perhaps it’s just a character in my life. This thought distracts me for nearly half the interview.

“I must focus on this interview, I really need this job… Get this out of your head.” I keep telling myself.

Eventually I do and he continues to discuss the duties I would have, the responsibilities of each position and where everything is located. It’s so much to comprehend in such little time.

Digressing on that topic, this reminds me of every “first.” The first day of class, “you have a paper due this day, and this day, exams on these days, here’s my e-mail, my mailbox number. No late work is accepted.”

By the end of the first day of class, it’s like “alright, so I’m still in break mode, I already have 5 papers due?”

In reality, the work always seems a lot heavier a workload than in reality. Similar to the past post. When you break down a week as one single object and focus on everything that’s due, it seems like you only have an hour to write a 10-page paper. At the beginning of the semester or at a job interview, it seems like the world just collapsed and your too worried about trying to fight your way out than actually understand everything being said.

A Week in Chaos

My life seems like an office in a movie where the video fast-forwards through time and all that is seen are papers constantly shuffling around on and off of the desk. The printer goes out of control and papers are flying out of the machine, it’s mass chaos. That’s how this past week has seemed.

I just got back from Memphis, and assignment after assignment seems to keep pouring in. I have a mockumentary to make, a 30-minute television show still not finished although it was technically due a week ago but we had to make some final edits. I have a 4 page paper, a 22 page paper to finish, a 5 page paper to research for still and a final exam to study for.

What happen to walking down Beale Street, the only thing I had to worry about was the sketch, shady looking dude walking up to me asking if I wanted to hear a joke. And of course I kept saying, “Huh?” because I couldn’t understand if that’s actually what he was asking. Of course I would like to hear a joke. I’m hungover and I can’t enjoy Beale Street with my 19-year old girlfriend. However, is this sketch dude going to end his joke with, “So how much is the joke worth to you?”

In that case, I’d rather spend my money on a shot than a joke. At least the shot will take some edge off for longer than the 10 seconds I spend laughing. And what if the joke sucks, then I’m in the awkward situation of, “No, I’m not going to pay you for that joke… IT SUCKED”